My Facebook Divorce
Facebook: A world where deeper holes can be dug, more people can get hurt, and unfair judgements can be formed quicker than ever before in history. In a split second, one button can be pressed and you can and have anything you want to say, displayed on hundreds of screens worldwide. The technology is remarkable, but the result sometimes can be devastating, if you’re not careful.
My name is Dwayne, and I am on the other side of a divorce in an age when Facebook rules as the most common method of communication between family, friends, acquaintances as well as other people whom you vaguely recall being connected to.
I love technology, but facing life’s storms in our Facebook culture is hard and in a sense we have all become mini-celebrities. We each have our own audiences and ‘fans’ who watch us air our dirty laundry. The only difference between us and real celebrities is that most of us don’t have publicists to help us prep our words.
So I’ve decided to create a conversation and write a few posts about divorce and Facebook. Probably as a bit of self-therapy, but also because I’ve noticed an influx of separations and divorces among some of the most unexpected people in my life. Good people, who for various reasons, find themselves in territory that I remember being in. Some of these people are doing their best to navigate their difficult situations but with every post and photo, I can sense that so much more is happening behind the screen. Others have disappeared completely and my prayer is that they are not trying to fight this battle alone.
From experience I can say that hope, love, and joy are all possible once this season in your life is over. But when you’re in the middle of it on Facebook, it’s way too easy to cause unnecessary pain that can have lasting implications. So my heart goes out to those who are presently struggling through this while trying to live a normal Facebook life. I know that it’s hard.
Divorce was never something that I anticipating happening in my life, of course, and while I was in the middle of this personal storm I exhibited various emotions. I would spend a lot of emotional energy seeking counsel and working through difficult decisions for my family, while at the same time, trying to keep myself physically and mentally healthy in order to stay focused at work.
Think twice. Post once.
My Facebook ‘strategy’ (for lack of a better term) at this time in my life was to mostly be silent with my Facebook activity. I really had to trust that people who really knew me, would be thinking the best and praying for me when they found out about my separation. So I only really opened up with a few people who I trusted and felt that I could lean on. If I did write something on my wall, I was careful to use a rule that my father would be proud of me for: measure twice, cut once, or in my case, think twice, post once.
My hope, as you read this series of posts, is that you simply resonate with some of the emotions and feelings that I express. You may be a person who is going through a separation yourself, or you may just be a friend of someone who is, but I hope that something in this will help bring about change for the better.
Divorce is like a death?
You may have heard this phrase before and I agree. Divorce is like a death. Life as you know it changes forever. But I would go further than this and argue that it’s worse than a death, and in our Facebook era, every challenge is exponentially greater. Today, it’s more difficult than ever to get through this stage in your life while staying sane.
So if you are interested, I would like to take time during my next post, to explain why I believe the Facebook age divorce is worse than a death. But until then . . . stay sane.
~ to be continued